If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
