a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
