Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize