I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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