just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
