my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
This is the high leading the old right now
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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