I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
