I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
