One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
