I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Your shirt... Was in my pants
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
