She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
