A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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