We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
