I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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