You made me cry and you don't even care
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
