don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
