i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
