Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
