I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
