operation have a gay friend backfired
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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