Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
