I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
