Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
