so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
