yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
