so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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