I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
