I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
