Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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