Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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