my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
