I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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