Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize