I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
