True but thats because hes a fetus.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize