I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
