No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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