I just threw up on my dentist
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
