if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
