If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
