I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
