I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
