We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I wish i was in the wii world.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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