Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
