I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
