i don't plan on having that self control this summer
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
