I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize