he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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