Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
