you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
