Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
