and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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