Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
