There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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