I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
