i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
