You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
