I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
