whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize