Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
