If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
from now on my penis is your penis
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
