honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
